how is your self talk

Positive Self-Talk is essential

The subject of self-love is very dear to me, and a topic not every one of us has really learned yet. How you talk to yourself is a mirror of your self-love.

I am generally a gentle person. I am empathic, and I tend to nurture others. I talk gently. I have deep sympathy for the pain and struggles people face. I guide them gently on their ways. I build people up and encourage them – all of them: my children, my family, my friends, and my clients.

When I started to observe how I talked to myself, however, I was shocked. ”How can this gentle-hearted woman be so mean to herself?” I thought. Why does this understanding empath become a nagging bitch when talking to herself? How can I be so sympathetic with others, yet hateful toward myself?

I brought the topic up with other people and realized I am not alone out there. A lot of us talk negatively to and about ourselves, but we never realize this unless we make a conscious effort to observe our self-talk.

Just noticing how controlling and bossy I was toward myself was a huge turning point for me. I saw how I lacked self-love and self-compassion. I was very strict with myself. I didn’t acknowledge the deep learning path I was on. I was not the same caring, understanding, nurturing person to myself that I was to my kids.

What was wrong with me?

I pondered my dilemma – and even belittled myself by using the phrase, what is wrong with me?

I realized I was not accepting myself for who I was. I pushed parts of myself away. I was too controlling and not understanding enough. I felt like a mistake. I focused on the bad things about myself, and completely overlooked the good.

All of those factors drove my mean self-talk.

The result was like putting a grey coat over myself. Instead of allowing my light to shine brightly from within, every time I talked about myself, I said negative and harsh things. I felt weighed down and low from listening to my self-talk.

That diminishing self-talk sneaks up on me every now and then again. I still have to observe myself and change my way of talking about myself, too.

I would love for all of us to be more conscious about how we talk to ourselves, and be more gentle and loving towards ourselves. We, of all people, deserve our own love the most.

So what are the steps to a more loving dialogue with yourself – to a more understanding and nurturing self-talk?

Learn how to let your inner light shine through lovingly and brightly.

Observe your thoughts

First, just observe how you talk to yourself. Remember, it’s the thoughts in your head that are your self-talk too. Just observe every thought you have.

Notice how judgmental you are about yourself. Do you punish yourself for not being perfect? Are you like a mean boss to yourself?

Write what you observe down, so that you can become even more aware of your tendencies.

Also, notice how you talk about yourself out loud, when you talk to others. Do you often talk about what is wrong in your life? Do you talk about how you need to lose weight? How do you talk about yourself?

Do you complain a lot? Concentrate on the negative? Can you accept compliments easily, or do you downplay them?

Note how you talk about yourself along with your thoughts about yourself so that you have a good picture of your self-talk overall.


Notice when negative thoughts creep in

Now that you have learnt to observe your thoughts and are more aware of how you talk to and about yourself, you can begin to see any negative patterns.

Read through the notes you made about the way you talk to yourself – both the spoken and unspoken points. See if you can change all of the negative things you’ve said about yourself to positive things.

For example:
“I am too sensitive!”

That statement has a negative energy to it, as you used the TOO. It shows that don’t feel good about being sensitive.

You can change this phrase to something more positive like:
“I notice things easily,” or “I can sense things easily.”

When you make simple changes in how you talk to yourself, your self-talk has a higher vibration to it, and you feel more at ease with how you feel and how you are.

Find the positive in all your diminishing remarks and be sure to note your positive aspects in your self-talk journal.

Try to keep observing your self-talk and how you talk to others about yourself. Every time you notice that you just thought or said something negative, make sure to change it to something positive.

It may take a while for you to make a habit of monitoring and correcting your self-talk. It’s no problem. Remember, you too are here to learn – so be patient and gentle with yourself. And just keep exchanging your negative patterns for positive ones.

Be proud of yourself anytime you catch yourself using negative self-talk and remember to change your words about or to yourself to something more positive. After a while, you will get into the habit of only talking to and about yourself in a positive manner.

when you talk nicely to yourself


Go for it

Now that you are used to observing your thoughts and you’ve got a hang of using positive phrases, you can go for it. Use positive phrases about yourself daily and often.

Of course, you’ll want to keep observing your self-talk.

You will realise that you use much less negative talk after a while. You will have become a master in exchanging negative for positive.

You will have learnt to speak positively about yourself. You will have also learnt to accept yourself more the way you are.

When you’ve learnt to change your negative thoughts about yourself from bad to good, you will have learnt that everything has two sides, and that you can always look at the bright side of things – even the bright side of you.

You will also notice that you feel better about yourself, and that, again, helps you talk more lovingly about yourself.

[bctt tweet=”When you talk nicely and positively about yourself you nurture your inner child.”]

Keep observing your self-talk, noticing any unnecessary criticism or negativity, and exchanging any negative thoughts about yourself for positive thoughts.

We all have lapses and need gentle reminders every now and then.


I Am

The I AM is another self-talk or self-manifestation topic. Dr. Wayne Dyer says: I AM has the power to make our dreams come true.”

Think about this when you hear yourself say things like:

“I am ugly,” “I am stupid,” “I am old,” “I am fat,” or anything else you might be telling yourself daily, either in your mind or out loud.

Do you really want to become ugly, stupid, old, or fat? I doubt it! Remember the Universe is always listening in and bringing you what you wish for.

You probably want to be happy, fulfilled, shining your beautiful self, healthy… (This is showing you how to rephrase the above-mentioned, harsh, and negative I AM statements.)

The energy of what you say after you say I AM is immeasurable. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say what you are, and that makes I AM a very powerful form of manifestation.

For example, how often do you say, “I am sorry?”

I used to do it a lot. As an Earth Angel, I even said “I AM sorry,” when someone else bumped into me or did something that s/he should have been sorry for.

“I am sorry” is not a good choice of words. Do you want to feel sorry? Do you want to be sorry for yourself?

I did feel sorry for myself. I felt sorry every day. My sorrys to others manifested into my feeling sorry all of the time.

So you could exchange that lower vibrational, “I am sorry,” to something more neutral, like “I apologize.”

Another example is saying, “I am tired.” Do you know you are asking for more tiredness, by constantly talking about how exhausted you are? Do you really want that?

How often do you use I AM daily? Make a note of this in your self-talk journal as well – and make sure that you start changing your negative I AM phrases and thoughts to positive statements about yourself.

Remember to be careful and mindful of the words you use, as the I AM is an essential part of your self-talk that can actually make you into what you say you are!

When working to correct your self-talk, use Observe, Notice and Go For It tasks, as discussed above. Observe how often you use I AM, and note the words you put behind the phrase. Notice the I AMs as they pass through your mind or out of your mouth, and make sure they are always positive. Go For It by continuing to use positive I AM statements about yourself.

Now you have learnt to observe your thoughts about yourself, and how to phrase everything you think and say about yourself in a positive way.  You’ve also learned about the power of, “I AM.”

Awesome! Now you are the creator of your own life.

Remember to talk to yourself like you would talk lovingly to a child.

Lift yourself up. Spread your loving and shining light to yourself, as you would to others. Describe yourself with beautiful, heart-warming, powerful, and colourful words. Rid yourself of grey and heavy thoughts about yourself.

You are doing great with working on yourself, and you can smile about making the effort. Most of all, you can be very proud of yourself for working to make positive changes in your life. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back along with a warm hug.

You can read more about self-love on my blog post here.

If you’d like to know more about this topic, I recommend the books from Louise L. Hay, who works with affirmations, and is awesome. You can find her books on Amazon here.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer talks a lot about the “I AM” theory that I mentioned earlier, and he also has written a selection of amazing books. You can find them on Amazon here.

In another blog post, I share a very personal story about how I gave my power away by feeling inadequate and comparing myself to someone else, even though I know, as Theodore Roosevelt said, that “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

If you like to learn more about how you can be loving and kind to yourself, download my Valentine Self Love Webinar from my Healing Shop, and learn how you can be your own best Valentine every day of the year.

Valentine Self Love Webinar

Warm hugs,
Signature Caroline Palmy

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Self Love Assessment Quiz, Self Care, Self Worth, Healing

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