As I was creating some of my inspiring posts for my FB page (FB/PalmyHealing), I was thinking, yes this sounds lovely, but…..
I remembered, how a couple of years ago, when I started my spiritual journey, and my path of self acceptance and self love, I saw many similar post
- You are brilliant
- You are great
- You are fabulous
- Love yourself
and I always thought, yes but….
- I am not worth it
- it is true for everyone else, but not for me
- this might work, but not for me
- nice try
- who are you kidding
So I realised, I might create similar thoughts with the people I would love to inspire.
I was contemplating on what brought me from back there to the here now. A Now, that I am more self assured, more self loving, more self nurturing. A now, where I respect my needs, and follow my own guidance, standing my own ground.
As you can imagine, there is NOT one thing, that does the trick. It was, or actually IS (it is an ongoing project) a medley of different things, that helped me along.
I think it started with self acceptance
I tell myself, affirm to myself
I accept you Caroline (of course you will insert YOUR name here) a couple of times each day.
I also started with Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian healing and forgiving ritual.
You look yourself in the eye, in the mirror, you are in your heart and you feel that love for yourself spread out and you say the following 4 Sentences, from your heart
- I apologize
- Please forgive me
- I love you (name)
- Thank you
You can do that a couple of times each go, and several times a day, or whenever you think about it. It is wonderful, as you do NOT need to know, what you are forgiving yourself, only that you do.
It has also worked for me to forgive my Ex husband. You can of course do this with everyone.
Please remember, often we have to forgive ourselves, just for letting it happen.
Keep smiling, just because…., you will realize it uplifts your mood. Just smile.
I smile at myself, every time I pass a mirror, I give myself one of my most gorgeous smiles. I also look myself in the eye and tell myself ‘I love you Caroline’ (again replace with your name). Oh yes, at the beginning that was ridiculous, how could I tell myself I love myself, who am I kidding. I don’t deserve love…, least of all from myself. It became natural, and wonderful. By starting to accept myself, all flaws included, I could also start loving myself. Looking deeply into my eyes, and finding my inner beauty, my caring nature, my loving personality, my gentle helpfulness, the loving Mom, the bright and funny woman. I noticed all those positive traits in me, all things I just took for granted, and I could let go of the ‘shoulds’. You should do more, you should do better, you should…
Yes stop ‘shoulding’ yourself. That is a very important step.
I also learnt to be more aware of my needs, I realized if I really didn’t want to do something, I started to say NO. WOW, yes I was a people pleaser, and a door mat, and I spread myself far too thin for others.
Realizing was the first step, and from there healing could start. After my first NO, it got easier, as I realized if I say NO from my heart, and can really stand behind that NO, there is never offense taken. People accept this. How wonderful an experience is that. Also when you say NO to people, and you say YES to yourself, that is self love. Saying yes to everyone else, while you actually want to say NO, is like saying NO to yourself, telling yourself you don’t deserve what is good for you, you need to give, you need to do what other people say.
It is time to empower yourself.
Affirmations from Louise L. Hay (there is also an App that is very powerful)
I am lovable
I am worthy of Love
that really kick started it too. Repeating those like a Mantra really started it, and I could hear it throughout the day in the back of my head, wonderful.
Open up your creativity, connect to your inner core. Do you like to draw, paint, play an instrument, dance, sing, or write? Or Collage, or anything. Do something that inspires you and something you have joy doing, remember no SHOULD…., connect to your childhood, what did you like doing as a child? go do that again, and put a smile on your face. You are so worth it.
Reading spiritual books
I loved to read books by Diana Cooper, Doreen Virtue, Louise L. Hay, Esther and Jerry Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and many more. Find something you like, listen to your own guidance. It is just very loving and soothing to read high vibrational books, and often we can find ourselves in there, go browse the book store or library.
Connecting with the angels or the Universe
I felt so comforted, knowing I am not alone. I have angels around me, guardian angels who unconditionally love me, no matter what. Connecting to that love through meditation, or during nap time, or just the knowingness, someone is looking after me, someone is embracing me, someone is there in all my sorrow. It is wonderful. Heartwarming
Connect with nature
go out for a walk. Look at the flowers, smell the flowers. Look at the trees, maybe get inspired by the fairies, elves and gnomes. Joyful living, dance in the wind, be one with nature, it is healing, soothing uplifting and you feel very much connected with the world around you. We are all one. One big Earth
Watch the stars and moon at nights, see the sun, watch the clouds….., I always felt humble, and realized my problems are not so big in comparison, I felt the AWE of nature, of the old wise trees, the mountains, built under pressure and movement, and just the feeling of eternity. I felt free and taken care of, I knew there is a bigger force behind this all, and he is also looking out for me.
What did I learn from this? When I look back at certain things, I realized what a great experience I had, yes of course it was hard when my marriage fell apart, but eventually I learnt to live MY life, and I am eternally thankful for that great experience, and knew it had to be. Forgiving comes easy then, accepting the challenge at the time is pure survival, but worth while. Calling it experiences instead of learning steps, might take the edge out of it. Experience is all we are here for.
read up on quotes, follow lovely pages on FB or twitter or anything you like. Post some notes to yourself around the house with uplifting inspiring words.
if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete
a quote by Buddha
There you go, you have it in writing ;-)
Live in this very moment. I know, we always think about what we need to plan, or mull over what happened. Staying present in this very moment is challenging. I learnt to do so, by connecting with my 5 Senses, and then include my 6th sense also. When cooking, concentrate on cooking, Smell the food, Taste the food, really let it roll over your tongue. Sense the heat from the oven or stove and the hunger in your body, listen carefully. All of this, it takes practice, but you will get to it. You will realize that you live a fuller life by living in this given moment.
Also when with your kids or loved ones, be present, enjoy that moment.
I tried to do a gratitude journal, where I wrote down 5 things I am grateful for each day, I think I didn’t make it over the one week marker….
Still Gratitude is essential, we learn to be grateful for our life and ourselves, and increase our self love.
What helped me is just concentrating on the grateful feeling. The open heart, when I saw the sun, I would say, thank you sun for shining and warming my heart. I would pause for a while and breathe that love in. When I enjoyed a cup of tea, I would just enjoy it, and feel my open heart again.
Things like this, find your own way. Just be grateful and go with that feeling.
Mind your self talk
I started to talk in a more positive way. I let go of negatives, I focused my thoughts more on what I wanted, than what I didn’t want anymore. That meant, whenever I said ‘oh I knew it, you are too stupid’ to myself, I would immediately clear and delete that thought. I would then go and say, ‘you can do it, just try again’. First you start noticing what you are thinking, then you can start modifying it, and later it is natural. Even just yesterday, my son came home from soccer training, completely wet, another boy has sprayed him with ice cold water. We had about 10C outside, and my son was shivering, and cold. I put him in a bath and warmed him up. This morning, I thought, ‘I hope he won’t get pneumonia’. I realized this is wrong, because I was concentrating on pneumonia, and him catching pneumonia, so I was raising my worries, and this way, I was asking the Universe to deliver the unwanted pneumonia. Instead I had to cancel, clear delete that path of thoughts and concentrate on what I want. I want him happy and healthy, so I concentrated on him playing in his next soccer game, having rosy cheeks, eating healthy and being fit and happy. Yes that’s the way of this game. You see, even after so many years, I still fall into the worry and fear trap. Have patience with yourself, we are all on a learning path. And be proud for realising it.
Be your own best friend
Treat yourself compassionately, lovingly and caring. Have patience and be your own best friend, not your worst enemy. I was, oh the self talk I had…., just be more gentle more patient each day. One step at a time, and treat yourself like you would your child. You deserve it. Feel proud of yourself for what you have achieved and what you went through. Remember setbacks are a natural occurrence. Be gentle.
Remember, every little thing counts. Just start with something, implement another thing, and in general just feel good about yourself, and you will eventually honour yourself and love yourself.
It is essential to have positive thoughts.
I am so proud of you
I would love for you to join me in my Open Hearted Sisterhood (on Facebook), where we exchange more about Self Love and Self Care.
You can read more on how to release lower energies in my blog post 16 Ways to release lower energies.