Do you push yourself?
I remember I used to be such an organized girl who planned everything out well ahead. I was so in control of my life, and I always knew what to expect.
Today, I would call that dull and ordinary. Nowadays, I live so much more in the flow.
Sometimes, I can’t find things, but it doesn’t matter. I know I will find them when the right time comes.
I am so much more flexible and so in tune with my body that I no longer push myself into burnout. I feel when I need a rest and I sense when it is not the right time.
Oh yes, this goes against goal planning and target setting, and some might wonder how I can lead my life this way.
It is easy. I trust. I trust my guidance and I know when I am meant to do something and when I am meant to relax and let the next flow catch me and propel me forward.
I have no idea how I came to be a more of an in the flow type of girl. I was so organized before; I planned so far ahead. At school, I was meticulous and probably slightly OCD, with my things sorted and in specific places… very well organised. However, if something was out of place, I could hardly handle it.
Later in life, I had a certain idea about how motherhood works: You say something and the child does it. Rather like programming a computer. Somehow it did never work that way. I wondered for a long time, what I was doing wrong, why I could not make my kids do what I asked them to do. I often told myself it would be better to be a drill sergeant and have complying soldiers. However, that would take the fun out of childhood, wouldn’t it?
Of course, it did not help to have a husband who was not only an absent dad, who wasn’t involved with the children at all, but who also set high demands about how the house has to look like when he came back. I felt more, often than not, like I was imprisoned in a museum. We had to look impeccable, and neither I, nor the house, ever did.
Is this what people call a golden cage?
Things breaking apart
When my marriage broke apart, I found more freedom and somehow I learnt to let go of my internal control issues, too.
I learnt that there were things I could not control in life, and that it’s sometimes better to leave things to the Universe and the Angels to look after, rather than to try and control the outcome yourself, which is hard work and tiring for regular day-to-day things, not considering disasters, when things do not turn out the way we planned them.
I learnt to take things easier and to be calmer. I cooked frozen veggies the first time, instead of cooking fresh vegetables, like I normally did. Somehow this brought me peace and more joy and freedom.
I realised that by being less rigid I was a better Mom. By letting the toys lie around for once, the kids were more at peace, too.
I started to be more in the flow
Without setting high standards for myself and the people around me, I was so much more at ease and life seemed more pleasurable. All of a sudden, I had time for myself.
Not knowing where we would be in half a year or what we would do for vacations was OK, as there was no money to plan any of it anyway. I started to love to be spur of the moment.
Not knowing gave me the freedom to be open to receive anything, and be open to just go where life was leading me.
Being flexible is awesome.
When I started my TM (Transcendental Meditation) practice, I got even more in the flow and acceptance of myself and the things around me.
I finally started to accept myself just the way I was, and that extended to the people around me. My kids could be kids, and all was well.
I realised that I was only a control freak out of fear of the unknown. I tried to plan my life so nothing out of the ordinary could happen, only to realize that life happens anyway, no matter what I had planned.
I learnt that my broken marriage was a blessing in disguise. No, I could have never planned that nor did I want that in the first place.
I saw by pushing myself into a certain direction, without listening to any guidance, I was heading for burnout.
By keeping going and going without giving myself permission to rest, I was opting for a total burnout without even realising it.
Only when I was down and could no more, and cried for weeks at a time, I knew I could not live like that ever again….
The feeling of exhaustion, the feeling of having to push myself beyond tiredness stays with me still.
I now know when I feel tired and exhausted that I am heading full throttle in the wrong direction.
Having experienced burnout and knowing the feeling of it, I know what to look for, what the early signs and warnings are.
Being in the flow
Coming back to the present…
After I published my new website and went on to create my wonderful Palmy Healing Circle, I knew the next step was to promote my Palmy Healing Circle. It was the right time: it was under a growing moon, so perfect for things to grow. However, I just had no energy, and I could not do it.
I felt like I had just given birth, and needed a bit of time to come to terms with it all. I knew I needed a rest, and to step back from everything for a minute.
Also, I realised that my heart was just not in there at the moment, that I was too tired to expand. I needed a breather.
That’s what I did. I listened to my body.
I also knew that we were in between two eclipses and a lot was coming up, so I did some healing and releasing. I was in an ebb phase and felt like I need to snuggle up, hide in a cave, and just be.
So that’s what I did. I snuggled up on my settee and read a book. I looked after myself and pampered myself, knowing well that the flood of motivation would come again and that I would promote my lovely Palmy Healing Circle when I got back in the flow.
Being in the flow of love, when my heart is really into it, I feel the expansion and I can hold the space. Then I will be successful, reaching the right people and then I will be in the right mood and setting for it all.
Looking back, I am very proud of myself and how far I have come.
Wow! I would have never let myself rest before. I would have pushed myself to promote and keep going, taking one step after the other, and going for my goal. Until what? Till I burnt out again? Most probably.
I am proud of who I have become
I am so proud of how relaxed I have become, how loving I have become with myself, and how accepting I am.
I have learnt that it is not worth paddling upstream. It is more important to wait for the flow to come back, and then it is easy-peasy and all is in the flow.
That’s also why I didn’t write a blog post last week. I was sitting there, and no words were coming.
It was still before the lunar eclipse and the full moon. Yes, I could have pushed myself harder and harder, and probably some words would have come, but they would not have been the right ones, nor would they come from the heart or from the flow.
Also, it was Easter and I felt we all needed a break.
I am proud of myself! Oh, my former self would have never let one week go without a blog post.
The new Me is more concerned with my well-being than how I look to the outside world.
I know you all understand that and support me. I also know that people who do not understand are not my concern.
Being in the flow
How can you see whether you are in the flow?
Check within yourself
- Do you feel tired?
- Are you reluctant to work on your project?
- Do you feel your heart expanding when you think of the task?
- Do you feel resistance?
- Do you feel like you’d love to hide?
- Do you want to lie down and wrap yourself in a blanket?
These points and many more are indications that it is not the right time for you to work.
Trust me. When you are ready, there is NOTHING that will stop you. You will just be so in the flow and things will move forward effortlessly.
Breathe through the resistance. Pamper yourself and allow yourself to rest. Remember, when the flow comes, nothing can hold you back.
Why this is different
I am a heart-centered person. I follow my heart and I lead a heart-centered business.
I follow my flow, and I need that flow for my heart to be fully open and to be productive. I want my heart in my work, and to be in the flow of love.
Others are more mind-oriented and feel the need to put mind over matter and keep pushing. They fear they would become too lazy and not able to reach their goals.
I used to be this way. I often reached goals, but my heart was not in it, and it felt empty.
Being in the flow means:
- Your heart is wide open
- You have high anticipation
- You can’t wait to get going
- Progress is effortless
- You are happy
- You enjoy the process
- You are creative and have many ideas
Of course, when I am nervous about an event, I am not too eager. However, I know in my heart it is the right thing to do and I meditate, open my heart, and ask the Angels for help. Then I am so in the flow and my heart is wide open.
Sometimes, we fear the things we most need to accomplish. We still feel our hearts open and we feel expansive towards our goals or know when it is over. It’s good either way.
If something is meant to be, it will be.
If something is not to be, it won’t be.
I have found trust: trust in the flow of my life and the guidance from the Universe. I also know that sometimes we need to make a wrong turn to arrive at the right destination.
So just keep going, and do what you love with fun and joy, and in the flow of love and life.
Follow your own bliss.
You can learn more about Self Love and applying nurturing self care in my Valentine Self Love Webinar, become your own best Valentine not just for one day, but every day of the year.
Enjoy a wonderful time.