If you have to should yourself, then there is resistance.
How often do you say, “I should do this,” or “I should do that,” in a day? You might even go a little farther and ask yourself how often you say, “I should have done that a long time ago.” “I should finally do that!” You might even talk down to yourself because you are apparently not strong enough.
It’s so normal for people to keep pushing themselves, lamenting over their willingness to perform certain tasks. They might even think they are lazy, and yes, that they should always do more.
If you have to should yourself, then there is a resistance. When you resist doing a task, it means you are not in the flow.
Resistance also means you may still have issues with a task; you may need healing or releasing around the task before you can move on. You need a lot of energy to push yourself to do something you are not really ready to do. It might mean the time is not right just yet.
Let me share my story of how I should have emptied my cupboards years ago but never found the energy to do it. Of course, during this process I talked myself down for being lazy, but it was just not the right time yet.
Years ago, I had a lot of beautiful dresses and suits. I didn’t have many opportunities to wear them because I was a stay at home mom. The clothes were very chic and classic, so they even felt too dressy to wear to go out for dinner in a casual restaurant.
After my separation, I had no company events to attend anymore, and the clothes remained in my closet, a reminder of my married life.
To be honest, too, I am more of a jeans and T-shirt girl. I like to feel comfortable, above anything else.
When I moved nearly 5 years ago, I sorted through our belongings. I got rid of so much we no longer needed, and yes, it was freeing. (Sometimes I got rid of too much, though, and later on felt like I could use this or that….)
I knew I would not wear those dresses and suits anymore. I kept a few just for special occasions.
I didn’t just throw the others into a clothes collection bag, as I felt they would be too chic to help anyone. I decided I would give them to a second-hand shop so they could find a new home.
The second-hand shops did not want to take my clothes. They were too classic – not modern enough. The employees did not think they could sell them, and they only take clothes that were not older than 2 years.
So there I stood with the clothes I so wanted to give away, but could not face throwing away.
So I took them with me to my new home and put them in the wardrobes in the basement. They hung there for quite some time.
Even when I was in desperate need for money and tried to sell the clothes on eBay just to get some money, I did not succeed.
The clothes kept hanging in my basement, taking up my wardrobes, reminding me of my former life.
I knew I needed to clear out my house. After five years, it needed a good clear out. Yes, I did still have boxes unpacked in my basement and my garage. My daughter wanted to keep the clothes for the day she could wear them, so I was reluctant to give them away.
Finally, I realised they would never be her style, and she would never grow into those clothes. I needed to let go.
I kept getting clear and repeated guidance from the Angels to clear out my cupboards.
Over the summer, I knew I was ready to give those clothes away, but just the thought of going through them and figuring out what to do with them kept me from even starting.
When I had coffee with a dear friend, she mentioned that her church would be holding a bazaar and that she had just donated good clothes from her daughter. A light bulb went on in my head. ;-)
This was a clear sign to me, and – yes – it felt good! I thought, “Wow, there is a possibility for my clothes to find a new home and happy people to wear them.”
All was settled. I felt at ease with the process. I was able to happily go through my old clothes, feeling joy about donating them.
The task was a walk in the park. When I looked at the clothes, I was happy to have had them for a while, and now I was happy to let them go.
Packing my car and driving them to the church was easy and the church was pleased to have them.
In the flow
I knew I was ready to let those clothes go. I also donated tons of shoes I did not wear anymore; high heels, dress shoes, etc. They were shoes I hardly ever wore, but that looked too good to just go to the clothes collection box.
All of the clothes and shoes in my closets were sorted and packed. When I drove to the church, I knew I was letting go of the last remnants of my married life. I was finally ready to let go of my past as an executive wife.
I have arrived in my own life now. I know what I want, and I know what no longer serves me.
I feel empowered and ready to move on.
You see, for nearly 5 years I was should-ing myself to sort through those clothes. Apparently, though, I was not ready to give them up on an energetic level.
I had to heal some more first and release whatever emotions still clung to me. Even though I kept telling myself I should do this or that, I knew something in me was not ready. I wasn’t there yet.
I also learnt that, when the time is ripe, there is nothing that can hold me back. When the signs are all on green, I am ready to go.
When I finally went through the clothes and put them in bags to drive to church, I was never drained or too tired or too overwhelmed. I saw this as another sign that I was really ready. Prior to this, I was drained just thinking about starting the project.
Watch out for any ‘shoulds’ in your life. Go within and ask yourself why the task seems daunting.
There is no need to push forward. Remember to be gentle with yourself; give yourself some time. No matter what, the right time will come – like it did for me. Yeah, it took me 5 years, but I survived and so did the clothes.
There is a right time for everything. Should means it is not the right time yet.
Keep going, heal, release, find yourself, and eventually it is all a walk in the park.
Yes, I could have dealt with those clothes years ago, but then I had no place to send them that felt good, and just throwing them out would have been harsh. Now, I feel really good, imagining someone else wearing those dresses. It fills my heart with love.
Forgive, heal your heart, and let the love flow to everything.
We came here to be in the flow and to feel joy and love.
We did not come to push ourselves or to should ourselves.
Connecting to the love within is one step to find your own truth. My 7 ways will help you too.
Enjoy a fabulous week!
Thank you, dear Caroline, for a wonderful post!
All of your articles really turned the light bulbs on within myself. It all resonated with me, and how I have been living my life. Thank you so much for taking that chance, pouring your heart and soul into your vision.
Every word I read, was like looking in the mirror, but the difference now is, I have clarity and finally feel like I found direction.
My life has been so stagnant for so long and every day was loaded with should of’s. I now feel good about loving myself and being gentle with my heart and soul.
Thank you for sharing yourself with others!
So happy to hear this article so resonated with you and helped you. Keep going gorgeous one warm hugs Caroline