It is not your job to save someone else.
No matter what I did, I could not save my father. Giving all my love did not help my father. Being a pleasant and adorable girl did not assist him.
I had a dream about my father recently. Actually, he’s been in my dreams often lately. This dream, however, was more real – it was a visit from him. I felt like a door had opened and I could see clearly now.
He wanted me to know that no matter what I do and how much I want to save or help people, it is always up to them to save themselves. It is never my failure when a person doesn’t save himself. His visit was also a reminder for me not to bend over backward for other people.
Also, I really see how my relationship with my father influenced my past relationships. I feel like a new door has opened, and I feel strong like I do not have to help or please a future partner.
The dream I had about my father was a very vivid dream, and I still remember it vividly, too – it hasn’t faded away like many other dreams do – like sand running through a person’s fingers. This is usually a sign that it was not just a mere dream, but that this was more. This is a sign from the Universe, most probably, or even a visit from my late father who was trying to help me to move on and heal old wounds.
In the dream, I was with my father. He was drunk and fell down – and then he started to sleep right there on the pedestrian way. I wanted to help him – to get him home – and bring him to safety.
There was a man there with us, I feel like he was my partner in the dream, and I asked him to help me bring my father to safety. We took him home and helped him into his house.
I realised that my partner in the dream (I do not know him in real life) was drinking too. He was partly drunk and being funny.
All of a sudden, several kids appeared – his kids (they are not connected to me or mine in real life) and I had the deep urge to help those kids as well.
I realised they were like me as a child, trying to help their father, but somehow they could not manage it.
Then I understood that I did not love their father, and I only wanted to help him. Also, I felt the burden of his kids on my shoulders. I realised that moment, that this was not a partnership.
I found out that no matter how much we do, we cannot help our fathers. It is not in our power to help them. We are only children.
Also, we canNOT help any person if that person does not want to be helped.
That dream helped me realise that I chose partners I felt needed my help, partners I wanted to save. For a while, it went well, then my need to save them probably drove them away.
It was good for me, though, that I got saved from being a saviour. But, of course, I was disappointed that the men did not heal or take on my help.
The dream I had opened my eyes to NOT look for partners similar to my father, but instead, to look for people who do NOT need saving – people who are whole and well in themselves. I also realised that people I feel I need to help are NOT my partners, but more like clients.
Have you ever had a dream with a clear sign?
If you have repeating dreams, or, like me, always about the same person, know there is a deeper meaning behind it. Be open to receiving wisdom from your dreams.
My need to help
My need to help was overwhelming. Deep down, I know that I cannot save everyone or anyone, really. I know people want help and come and ask for healing, and only then it does work.
I know my father was deeply sensitive and was just overwhelmed with life itself – probably not fulfilling his purpose, drifting more and more away from his true center, drowning his pain in alcohol.
I sensed that and hoped I could save him. The feeling of, ‘if I could only be a good girl, he would be happy,‘ is deeply ingrained in me.
The need to make my deeply unhappy father happy, the thought of him coming alive when I was nice and good, was my hope.
Of course, he died in 1994, and he came into my dreams to show me that it is not necessary for me to be a people pleaser.
It is time to look after myself and to walk away from the need to help others.
How can you learn to look after yourself too?
What parts of needing to help others can you release today?
Bending over backward
I used to bend over backward to make things work, especially in my partnerships. I was eager to please. I felt if I just tried harder, everything would work out fine – even though, deep down, I knew that wasn’t true. I was deeply lonely and unhappy giving more and more.
I clung on. I tried hard, and when my partnerships broke apart, I still wondered what went wrong for quite a while. I wondered if it could have worked if I only had tried just one more time, or tried harder?
I know that feeling comes from my childhood and my eagerness to be a good girl and the hope that I could somehow save my father.
Looking at my life now, I still see these tendencies in me. I bend over backwards for my children (a tough one to be more firm about) or for my clients (trying to fit them in whenever it pleases them).
I’ve learnt more and more to put myself first, not in an egoistical way, but just by setting up healthy boundaries, like strict working hours, for example, or offering my clients two or three possibilities, instead of an open ‘When would it suit you?’ kind of way.
Also with my children, I learnt to say No and tell them that I will finish what I am doing before I assist them (remember they are teenagers now, not little babies anymore). I also sometimes take a rest, even if the kitchen isn’t cleaned yet.
Asking for help is also very healing.
What behaviours of yours do you need to alter in a way that makes you feel better about yourself?
Where do you feel neglected?
I am finally able to receive. I can open up my arms and receive wholeheartedly.
You can read more on receiving in my blog post:
‘Are You Open To Receive Fully?’
I used to refuse any kind of help. I was determined to do it all myself. I was too timid to ask for help and also felt guilty for taking up someone else’s time.
I felt my kids needed their down time after school, so I should provide for them, and do everything around the house on my own. Till the minute I could no longer do it all, and they had to step in and help me.
Actually, they were eager to have some chores! Of course, I had to keep at them not to forget to help. I also learned to ignore their moaning about helping.
I feel my time is as important as theirs, and that they usually watch a TV show or play a computer game anyway, so I am not taking them away from much-needed study time.
It also feels comforting to share chores and spend time together.
This is a real family feeling.
Also receiving money from my clients feels good nowadays. I used to flinch, like was I not good enough. Now I know that it is it ok to earn so much money, even though being a channel is amazing, and it comes easily to me, it does not mean I should not value my gifts.
You can also learn to be open to receiving flowers, kind gifts, and help any time.
You are so worth it.
How can you receive today? Notice when you say ‘no, payment/help is not necessary.’ How often do you decline help or a gift?
Do you feel equal to everyone around you?
Is your time as valuable as that of others?
Enjoy a wonderful week
Heal, ask for help, and be open to receiving.
If you feel like something is blocking you, or you have deep hurt that is preventing you from being fully in the flow,
I am always happy to remove blocks and heal pain during one of my Healing Sessions.
Are you ready to heal past relationships?
Book a 60 min Healing Session with me (185$).
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It’s a hard lesson to learn but there is a lot of beauty in receiving and letting go. Beautiful post.