Saying Yes to myself
Last week, I shared my first experiences with saying NO and how hard it was for me to say no to my own children. Read more here.
This week, I will explain how not having to shuttle my kids back and forth to and from school has given me more time for myself, so I am more centered, balanced, and – yes, a better Mom.
I was always under the impression that I had to make my kids happy: happy kids, happy mom. But true happiness comes from within – it comes from being true to yourself and being fulfilled and content from within your own being. Like love, happiness is not fulfilling if it’s dependent on someone else.
No more driving
Last week, I shared with you that my children take public transportation to school now. You have no idea how liberating this simple change was for me. I still have to get them out of bed in the morning, but I don’t have to get ready and sit in a car for hours on end.
I can relax at home, cooking my porridge and enjoying a bit of peace and quiet. I don’t have to constantly check my watch to see whether it is time to go out and pick them up again. No, I can just start any task at any time of the day, without feeling like there wouldn’t be enough time, as I might need to dash off.
It is not only the time that I save driving, but also the fact that my shoulders are less stiff. I don’t have to concentrate so hard on the road or on communicating with my kids while driving.
I feel like a huge burden has been taken off my shoulders.
I was contemplating what to do with my extra time. Yes, I could sit at my computer and write more. Yes, I could do some more fancy social media posts. Somehow, though, I felt deeply that this was MY time – extra time given to me – to really cherish and treasure. SO I started to go out into nature and taking a lovely walk every morning after the kids are gone.
This way, I really enjoy my extra time and the healing it brings me. I have days where I stomp, stomp, stomp in a rapid pace, deeply thinking and deeply focused. Then there are other days I just enjoy a leisurely stroll and sit and enjoy the beauty of nature. Both are equally liberating and wonderful.
Often, I find solutions to issues I face. Other times, the inspiration is just pouring down, and I love it. I deeply release and heal out there in the solitude and beauty of nature.
I also got myself a step counter from Fitbit. I love it! It shows me how little I move when I’m indoors and sitting at my computer ;-) It can also track my sleep, and I can see how restful or restless my sleep was. Over time, I can analyse this data and find out why I might be more restless and what causes restlessness in me.
Despite their reluctance to give up on what they took for granted, Mom’s Taxi, the children respect my decision. They never came back on it, and I see in their eyes that they respect me for it.
I know I can only teach them by example. They see me stand up for my needs and I am sure they get inspired to stand up for their own needs, and learn to set up healthy boundaries.
Being a good Mom is being a good role model in all areas of life.
I am so much more inspired to work on my business. I feel refreshed recharged after my morning walks and I am happier and in the flow of life. Inspiration is my companion now, and I love it. I have more ideas than I can implement in the next couple of months, and I love to be at ease with it all.
I have more energy. I feel more in charge of my life.
Yes, I did go out in nature even when I still drove my kids, but the effect was never as clear. I needed to release some old habits and free myself first, to be more in the flow and have an increase of energy.
Yes, I am much less tired. Driving was really draining for me. I only realised how much so now, after I stopped doing it. And let me tell you, having to drive to Zurich nowadays, is nearly too much for me ;-) When I was shuttling the kids back and forth, 140km a day, it didn’t bother me as much. Now, I can see how tiring it all was.
Maybe some of you remember when you had a newborn baby, and finally he/she would sleep through the night? Oh, bliss! Then, at a later stage, he/she got sick, and you had to get up again at night. How was it for you? For me it was always harder. I felt I was sooo tired getting up, even though, when I was up so much with a newborn and baby, I did not realise how tired I was.
It is ok to do something good for yourself
Of course, I felt guilty – guilty for sending my kids on public transport, guilty for just not being able to fulfill my “motherly duty” by driving them. I had to learn that guilt is part of the process, and I released guilt on a daily basis.
Guilt has a very low energy, and it is draining, too.
I knew that I stopped driving them back and forth for my own good. I knew my kids were fine, and I knew it was all for the best, so I was able to release all guilt and enjoy the positive it all brought me.
I reminded myself daily, that it was important for me to look after myself, too. Who else would look after my children if I let myself get sick or burned out?
All is well
The children come home with endless stories from their travels; they enjoy their new freedom, and sometimes hop into town for a Fro-Yo with their friends. (Fro-Yo is Frozen Yogurt. I did not know either ;-) ) My youngest recently told me that he loves to take the train.
I see a new bond growing between the siblings, a bond that was not there when they competed for my attention and the best spot in the car.
It does have some downsides too
I used to ENJOY school break, as it meant NO driving for me. It was all about rest, peace, and sleeping in. Leaving my car in the garage seemed heavenly.
Now, as we just ended our autumn break, my youngest was very hyper due to the fact that he was getting braces the following week. My daughter was bored, and the two of them were really in each other’s hair daily.
I still had to get up for my oldest son, as his university kept going without a break.
All of a sudden, the school break was not so much a break for me anymore ;-)
I still had to get up, and I didn’t have the advantage of NOT having to drive.
Do I mind? Not at all! I take it as it comes. It’s just to show you that the release the school-break usually brought wasn’t there for me anymore.
It doesn’t really matter, as I am more relaxed during school time now and I don’t get so run down that I really need a break anymore.
That is actually our aim: live our life in a way so we are not desperate for a break. Click To Tweet
Do schedule rest periods into your daily and weekly routines, so you can recharge on a regular base.
I am more at ease in my daily life now. I feel more energetic and happy. I feel better!
I’m also so happy and proud of my children. I have a new ease with motherhood and the flow that catches us all.
Love is awesome, and my love for my children is enriching me in ways I never dreamed.
Learn more about saying YES to yourself and stepping up your Self Love a notch each day.
Learn how you can be your own best Valentine every day of the year.
Download my Self Love Valentine Webinar and dive into a new sense of Self Love now.
Lovely Blog :) It really resonated with me especially the bit about guilt!
Lovely post! Thanks for sharing! Sian
Good for you Caroline, and when we can set more boundaries we can help our clients do the same