Guido Palmy (30th January 1932 – April 6th 1994)
January 30th – My late father’s birthday.
My dad died over 20 years ago. Even though I know he is close by me all of the time, I still feel his absence. Our Souls are eternal.
I remember the night he died. It was the night from April 5th to April 6th. The phone rang at 3AM, which, as you know, is never a good sign.
The telephone ringing woke me from a deep sleep, and – when I picked up – I heard my Mom crying. I knew instantly what had happened; I knew I would never see my father again – at least not in this lifetime.
I was 24 years old – just old enough to be an adult, and I was enjoying a different sort of relationship with my father, one that was not only from a child’s perspective.
It couldn’t be, I thought, even though I knew his time was up. It was far too early; he was only 62.
I remember the deep shock I was in, as his was the first death that occurred in my close family that I could remember.
It was too close to home.
My father’s father – my grandfather – died when I was 4 years old, and to this day, I can’t really remember it. And my aunt (my father’s sister) who died when I was 5… well, I couldn’t remember her death very well, either.
So there I was, a young woman whose life death had touched, whose father was taken away. I was so shocked and depressed that I couldn’t eat for a while.
The cruelty of outliving your own children…
I remember driving to Chur (3 hrs drive from Basel) with my two sisters to personally inform my grandmother of the passing of her son, my father.
How cruel it was. Parents are not meant to outlive their children.
She was 90 at the time, and she had already mourned and buried her husband, both of her sisters, her daughter… and now she would bury and mourn her son.
She didn’t recognize us at first. When she did – when she realized who we were – she knew, as if by instinct, why we were there. She understood that we would only come to her doorstep unannounced if we were bringing sad news.
My Stages of Grief
I was working at the time, and I only got ONE day off. One day was not enough to handle the death of my father.
I was beside myself; I was shaken. I couldn’t go back to work for a week.
Planning the funeral, printing cards, and all that goes with it can help to take part of the edge off and leave you in a bit of numbness – which might be good, because you keep going, and you are surrounded by family and friends.
But attending the funeral, hearing all about your father’s life, and watching your father’s casket being lowered down into the earth…
I remember standing there over his grave, kissing a flower for our last good bye. I let the flower fall onto the casket. It was one of the most painful moments in my life.
I was crying tears of sorrow and loneliness. I was in sort of a haze.
He was really gone.
I wore black for a long while. When I saw smiling people – people who were having fun – I could not believe it. I wanted to shake them and tell them, “Hey my father died! You are not allowed to smile!”
The earth stood still for me for quite some time.
For a while, I saw him everywhere. I looked out of the Tram and saw him walking by… Oh no. It was just another man with a hat, like my father used to wear.
I could not believe that he was no more.
I remember one moment when I was ironing, and I thought, “Ok, so if I die, at least I will not be alone up there in heaven,” and I felt much lighter.
I let go of my fear of dying that very moment.
I realized my dad had his father and his sister with him, and his grandparents, and also other family. The thought allowed me to feel good for him, also.
Then guilt crept in to accompany my sorrow – guilt over things I’d said or done, or things I didn’t say or do. This was the worst phase.
Luckily, my father came to visit me in a dream, and I was able to ask him for forgiveness. He was so understanding.
In my dream, my dad told me that, in the greater scheme of things, nothing matters: not what we think we did wrong, or what we feel we ought have done.
I felt such a vast feeling of forgiveness and understanding.
I knew that he knew that I hadn’t meant to do wrong by him. Sometimes it just happened, like it does with all of us.
And love just flew freely. I felt surrounded by this huge love and flow, and all of my insecurities washed away… All I felt was love.
From that day on, I knew he was fine, I was fine, and I could go on living again.
I started to let go of my black clothes. I wasn’t wearing black from head to toe, but I always wore something black, as I was still in mourning, even though the black I was wearing may have only been a black belt.
Life went on…
Later in life, I had three kids of my own. I felt sorry that my father didn’t get to meet them, and that they grew up without a grandfather.
However, I kept him very much alive in my stories and he was totally a part of them. I can see characteristics of my father in each one of my children.
Just recently, I saw this childhood picture of my father (the young boy, next to my grandfather and my aunt) and thought it was my youngest son. The resemblance was so striking; right down to the way they hold their heads, slightly tilted to one side. There was something the same about these two very important people in my life. Something from my father was passed onto my children.
Are you grieving a loved one?
Some of this advice might help you:
- Allow your grief. Let it flow freely
- Allow your friends to help you
- Accept that a new chapter of your life is about to start
- Ask Archangel Azrael for help (I will write about how to ask the Angels in a future blog)
- Take baby steps
- Focus on the bigger picture, as often as possible
- Remember that it takes a while. Actually you will always miss your loved one on this earthly plane, and that is very much ok
- Give yourself TIME
- Accept that your phases of grief might be different than someone else’s and that is absolutely fine. You are unique, and this is a unique situation
It took me about 15 years, and my own near death experience to start to learn more about Death, the Soul Plane, and the afterlife.
When I got interested in spirituality, I started to feel lighter, and I knew that everything that happened was meant to be.
When my father died, his time was up. It is that simple.
Knowing that I can still talk to him and sense him – that he loves me, and I love him – this will never change.
The last time I saw my dad alive, I felt so close to him, and I felt that my heart was so open and LOVE was rushing through me. I distinctly remember being with him in the car. I hugged him tight, and I sort of felt that everything would be ok.
Of course, back then I didn’t know what that meant. Now, looking back, I feel like I sensed the Universal Love that already surrounded him and I understood that he was ready to go back to Source. He was at peace and in a place where he totally forgave everyone in his life. You can read more on how at the end there is only love, the story of my godmother passing in the end there is only love.
I recently participated in the Angelic Mediumship Course with Charles Virtue. The experience has helped me to feel even more connected to loved ones.
During that course and since then I’ve learned so much more about unconditional love and how our loved ones are always close to us. They want us to know that they love us, that they feel sorry to have left us, and that they are with us when we are grieving their loss.
They want us to know that they are just fine – in fact they are splendid! They’ve left pain and sorrow behind, and they are much lighter now. All is well for them, the way it is, and they support us and are happy to connect with us when we ask to connect with them.
Know that your loved ones are by your side. Talk to them as often as you like: aloud, or in your head – whatever works best for you.
What your loved ones want you to know:
These are the most important messages I got when I connected with loved ones who had passed on. I hope these insights help you along as well:
- I am fine, all is fine
- I am pain free, amazing
- I am happy
- I am sorry I had to leave you
- It’s all divine timing; my time was up
- I didn’t feel any pain. I was taken to the light immediately
- Passing is pain free
- I will be waiting for you
- I am here for you
- I love you
Notice the signs that your loved ones who have passed over send you. Your loved ones might send a butterfly, or you might hear their favorite song in the radio. Maybe you just stumble across a book that reminds you of that person. Maybe you get a waft of the aftershave/perfume the person used to wear.
Be open to receiving different messages, and listen with your heart.
I am sending love out to all of you.
You are not alone.
We all go through loss and grief at some point in our lives.
It is part of life.
Allow grief, acknowledge it, then let it heal and release.
Warmest of hugs
and much love and deep sympathy
PS: I love the work of James Van Praagh, Matt Fraser, and many more. Let yourself be inspired and deeply touched by the wisdom they share from Source.
Right now I am reading ‘The Afterlife of Billy Fingers’ a wonderful book – so heartwarming – by Annie Kagan.
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments section or you can also email me directly.