Spotting unhealthy relationships, when the abuse is physical, might sometimes be easier as an outsider and hopefully also as an insider. We all know that physical violence like hitting and kicking is very unhealthy. It is obvious that if you are in a physically violent relationship, it would be time to get out.
However, not many of us know that we can also be emotionally abused. Emotional abuse is much harder to spot, especially when you are experiencing it. Those relationships might even start out as gorgeous and the partner very attentive, which makes it even harder then to realize that you are indeed in a toxic relationship, once the wooing part is over and your partner shows his true face.
We might have heard of Narcissists or Psychopaths, however, they act so subtly and over a longer timeframe, that we adjust to it, and sometimes might even search for the blame in us. We are often unaware of the fact that we are, indeed, in a very unhealthy relationship, and sometimes don’t want to hear about it either.
I have been in unhealthy relationships; however, I had no idea that I was emotionally abused till after it was over. I learnt to heal from my past toxic relationships and now I guide many women along their paths to reconnecting with themselves again and releasing all parts of the toxic residue that’s left from their experience. It is so important to truly heal from past toxic relationships in order to come back to oneself and be able to move forward and be ready for a healthy relationship again.
I’d love to share some insights, which might point to an emotionally unhealthy relationship. If you can tick one or several of the mentioned insights below, please see someone: talk to a friend, consult a therapist, or get help from an empathic healer who knows how to clear your energy and help you heal from past toxic relationships. You are so worth it.
You might also realize that you have been in a toxic relationship and have the desire to heal from it and feel whole again.
Indicators that you might be or have been in an emotionally unhealthy relationship
Something does not feel right
If something does not feel right, it usually is not right.
You might have a gut feeling that something is not right in your relationship; however, you always assume the best in others, or you learnt to mistrust your own guidance and inner wisdom.
Remember the Universe is always guiding us.
It’s time to listen within and sit with your feelings. What are they telling you? What is it you do not want to see?
Also, however uncomfortable and scary it might feel, it is time to have a talk with your partner. Tell him/her what you are feeling. See whether he/she listens and takes you seriously.
Or if your partner simply ignores you or worse, blames you, or tells you something is not right with you.
Either way, you’ll know. It is always better to know so you can get some help and more clarity on your next steps.
I was deeply unhappy, exhausted, and burnt out in my relationship, yet I still held on. I was too afraid of listening within – let alone speaking up – till it got to the point where I had no sense of self any longer.
The Universe had my back and he was leaving me, freeing me.
Being blamed for everything does not feel nice and is very unhealthy.
When something goes wrong, your partner blames you.
You try to speak up and your partner acts like you are doing something wrong.
Does your partner try to twist it so everything is your fault?
Does your partner lack empathy?
There is the saying: it takes two to tango. This is very true. Are you eager to be blamed? Do you easily take on the blame and only look inside of you, wondering where you might have done something wrong or were not good enough?
It’s time to start accepting and loving yourself. Not everything is your fault, to begin with.
Being ridiculed or talked down to is not healthy.
You might sit with friends and have a lovely chat, you state your opinion, and your partner says, “Oh you are so dumb. You have no clue. You can’t know anything about this.”
Yes, being treated like this feels bad and it is not something you should be accepting. Of course, if it is in a teasing way and our partner is generally caring and compassionate, this might not weigh so heavily. If you do not like it, let him/her know, though.
We are worth being treated with respect.
Feeling like you lost your mind
He says one thing, and then he says another. Sometimes you feel like you have lost your mind.
You feel like you can’t trust yourself any longer.
Some people play tricks on you and do this with a sincerity that leaves you questioning your own sanity.
They might even mention to friends and family that they are worried about you.
If you are feeling like you are going insane, get help immediately!
Being talked down
He tells you that you are not good enough.
Maybe he mentions that you are not dressing nicely enough or that your hair never looks good enough. Or maybe he says you aren’t cleaning right or cooking the right things.
Have you been talked down to?
Has your partner even talked down to you in front of others?
It’s time to regroup and feel within. You are valuable just the way you are.
Not good enough
Are you feeling like you are not good enough?
Has your self-worth been corroded?
Are you trying to please your partner, to make him happy, but it feels like nothing works?
If you are not feeling good enough to be with a great guy, please find someone that helps you with your self-esteem. Self-worth is important. If you have a good self-esteem, you are less likely to fall for Mr. Evil. Or at least you will get out when he starts treating you poorly because you know in your heart that you are worthy of more.
You are good enough, just the way you are.
Needing the love
Are you only feeling loved when you are with someone?
Do you need outside approval of yourself?
If you only feel good when you are with someone, it would be a good time to get to know yourself more. Connect with the love within you.
Only when we truly love ourselves can someone else love us too.
Otherwise, they become a lesson.
If you are only with your partner because you feel needy of love, because you feel without him/her you are no one, take a journey within.
Reconnect with the love within.
You can check out my 7 Day Nurturing Self Love Journey.
Are you telling yourself it could be worse?
It is wonderful to be grateful for what we have, and see the good in everyone; however, if we are settling, we are lowering our selves and our self-worth.
Are you settling for less just because you are not feeling worthy of more?
Are you settling out of fear of being alone?
I kept telling myself, “At least he is not hitting me.” Yeah that might be right; however, emotional abuse is just as bad.
Ask for the all inclusive package, you are worth it.
Still looking for the nice guy you met
If your Prince Charming has turned into a frog, you know you’ve been played.
Are you still hoping that your frog will turn back into the lovely Prince Charming? How long have you been waiting?
What else were you enduring?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about physical appearance, like a slim and fit 20-year-old, turning into a bellied, balding, heavier 50-year-old version, not at all.
Also, a little less attention as the years pass can be expected, as long as you are still treating each other with mutual respect and compassion.
It is a devil in disguise, though, who knew how to charm you in at the beginning till you were hooked and didn’t feel like you had any possibility of escape. The person who deliberately played you to his/her advantage, berating you now, putting you down with no remorse, he’s showing his evil face and there is no hope his prince mask will be put back on at all, till he feels he is done with you.
If someone turned nasty over time, get the hell out of there.
Remember, I am not saying it will be easy; however, for your own well-being, find some help and get out.
Feeling like you want to heal the broken partner
I know, I have been there. It is so tempting to try to heal someone. We can feel it. We would love to help our partner to heal. However, one can only heal oneself, and only when a person is ready.
As a healer, I can facilitate the space, time, and love to provide healing support for others; however, I can never force healing on anyone who is not ready.
If you still feel you would love to heal your partner, get help.
This might not be a toxic relationship; however, it might be an indication of one, and it is clearly NOT a healthy, balanced relationship. Plus if you are single, remember you might be prone to predators.
Everyone wants to be loved for who they are.
Release the need to fix others. You can only fix yourself.
Putting your partner on a pedestal
We can often see the grandeur of our partner. We have an inkling of how great they could be. We see their soul; however, reality might not be the same.
Take a step back and look at your partner, just the way he is, without the pedestal. Can you love him/her for what he is? Just the way he is? Is he really as good as you make him out to be? Are you equals in your mind?
Get help with your viewpoint of your partner. Sometimes this is also an indication of being in an unhealthy relationship, as we take a blind eye to the harsh realities of our partner and put them on a level above ourselves.
You are worthy of a balanced relationship meeting each other at eye level.
They opt up
You are sharing that you would need a weekend on your own, as you are exhausted.
All they say is that they need it more. They are doing a harder job. They are more exhausted and give you thousand reasons why YOU canNOT take time for self-care.
This is very similar to talking you down. Your partner gives you the feeling you are not good enough, and certainly not deserving of a break.
This shows that there is no compassion, no support, and definitely no understanding or recognition for you and what you do.
According to them, they have it worse and they know how to rein you in.
How dare you for speaking up!
Time to get some self-respect. Step away, take time out, and reconnect with whom you are.
Feeling trapped or isolated
If you have lost all your former friends because your partner wanted to spend time with you alone (or they say), you are being cut off from your support people.
If you feel trapped or isolated, this is a clear indication of an unhealthy relationship.
They want you dependent on them, unable to reach out or compare, easier to be manipulated.
Get the heck out of there. I know you might feel like you have nowhere to go; however, your old friends and family are always happy to have you back. They might have tried to get you out, but you might have been blinded by your partner or scared of losing him or his love. There are shelters for women from abusive relationships too.
You are worthy of having your own circle of friends.
So a wrap-up
If you are feeling like you are:
- not good enough
- not worthy
- not doing enough
- if only I tried harder, it would be better
- if I could love him more, then….
- taken for granted
- trapped (have no way out)
- disconnected from your friends (isolated)
Any and all of these might be an indication that you are (or were) in an unhealthy relationship.
Please chat with some friends or a therapist, and seek help if you need it.
Remember you are NOT alone. Anyone who has been through it felt humiliated realizing we had been emotionally abused. Get help. Realizing that something is off and getting help is the first step on your healing journey.
Congratulations, you are doing so well. You have many sisters cheering you on and will probably find like-minded new friends who support you.
And remember, as long as there is mutual respect, compassion, and understanding for each other in a relationship, it might be worth saving. Even if some of the above might sound familiar, we all have bad days. Trust your own instincts.
If you like to get some clarity on your current relationship, my friend Allison Reiner is a wonderful Relationship Expert, you can find her on AllisonReiner.com
If you feel you have had a toxic relationship in the past or are involved in one now, I have a fabulous way to release this past relationship. This tool is awesome for any kind of relationship, not only romantic ones.
Watch the Clear Your Relationship Webinar, where I guide you through a beautiful healing tool and share valuable insights on how to heal from past toxic relationships.
or contact me for a one on one session.